So, you’re contemplating killing yourself. Indeed a tough decision. However, there’s a few things you should know before make your attempt.

Before I continue, I know there are several common reasons people contemplate suicide. I’d like to address a few of them.

If you suffer from a mental illness or are healing from trauma, let me try to encourage you to keep living. That voice that keeps telling you that you’re so much of a burden that it’s time to end it all is a motherfucking liar. No, really, it is. You’re suffering from a disease or disorder. That voice wants to destroy your sense of ease. It wants to make you feel horrible and think you’re worthless. Do people tell you you’re a wonderful person? Are you noted in your little corner of the world for being good at something? All those complements are TRUE. You’re getting them because you’re worthy of them. Yeah, we’ve all got haters, but you really can’t please everyone, can you? The ones who love you truly care about you and would miss you deeply. If you die, all your pain is going to be scattered around to people you’re close to and others whose lives you’ve touched (and you know you have because they tell you). Anyone who is a survivor of someone else’s suicide is going to be genuinely triggered. You’re going to open up a wound for that person. To me, that’s selfish.

Suffering from mental illness and got triggered from someone else’s suicide? Boy, do I feel ya. That’s precisely why this post exists. Someone I worked with on and off for a couple years killed herself a few days ago. I’m sure the voices in her head were just too loud because life circumstances were making them hard to ignore. I’m sorry she got to that point. But she had people who would have seen her through the darkness. Her death made me realize people need to know these things.

Shared pain is lessened if the person is around to be helped. Reach out to people who say they love you and tell them that you’ve got this damn voice in your head that’s trying to get you to harm yourself. I guarantee you they will want to help you live. Sure, nobody has a magic wand that will solve all your problems, but they’ll help you tell that damn voice to shut up until it silences. Please get it through your head that helping a loved one is much easier than mourning them. You owe it to everyone who says they love you to give them a chance to help.

Now, I will address the terminally ill. Yours is a much different situation. I will never tell another human being they need to keep on suffering just so they can let the disease take its course. Western Society really needs to accept death as a natural part of life and allow an adult to opt out of prolonged suffering. Until then, get as much as you can out of life for as long as you can. Try to minimize the trauma to your family, please.

If you’re chronically ill and are only going to get worse, that’s similar to the above. Share your feelings with your loved ones. Be honest about how you’re feeling. You’re more than your illness. Those who love you know that. They will also know when the illness has stolen your essence. That’s what helped me when my husband killed himself. I knew how miserable life was for him, and I accepted that he should be the one to say when he’d suffered enough. It still hurt like hell when it happened, and six years later it still hurts sometimes. Not everyone can reach that level of acceptance quickly–you need to give them time. It took me a couple years before I even tried to accept the illness had truly destroyed him.

Finally, we’ll address the “I don’t know how to deal with life right now” type of suicidal feelings. Usually this happens because of a huge change in life circumstance that isn’t a terminal illness or a chronic mental illness flares up.

Has your life as you know it changed and all you can think about is death because a relationship of some sort ended any number of ways? I get it, the feels are too much and you don’t know how you’re going to continue living without something or someone that was a major part of your life until now. You gotta come up with a better reason. Change is scary as hell, but it’s not insurmountable. I was a little suicidal at 20 when I broke up with my high school sweetheart after 5 years. I could not imagine life without him. We’d planned so much. I’m so glad I stuck around and got over him. I’ve had a quarter century of life since then, and it’s been quite a ride.

Don’t want to face the consequences of your evil actions because you finally got caught? You’re a fucking coward in addition to being a deplorable human being. Just make sure you own up to your dirty deeds before you kill yourself, if you must. Leave your victims with some closure, at least.

With the exception of evil people and the terminally ill, there are reasons to keep living. Name that damn voice in your head and fight it like the bully it is. Share the name with your people and tell them when the bully is around. They’ll have your back. People want to prevent your funeral. Living well is the best revenge to those who hurt you.

Stick around, if at all possible. Reach out to someone before you make your decision. You really do owe it to those who love you. And you do matter in this crazy world.